Musings & Thoughts for Saturday, July 9, 2022, or: Sad Tidings

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Hi, there, Dear Reader. As I start this, it is late morning in Lithia, Florida, on Saturday, July 9, 2022. It is a hot summer day in the Tampa Bay area. Currently, the temperature is 87°F (31°C) under sunny conditions. With humidity at 77% and the wind blowing from the south at 6 MPH (10 KM/H), the heat index is 98°F (36°C). Today’s forecast calls for scattered rain showers and a high of 94°F (34°C). Tonight, we can expect partly cloudy skies. The low will be 76°F (25°C).

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If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that my caregiver’s boyfriend was in the hospital recently and hoping to qualify for a liver transplant. The man was a heavy drinker – I saw him drinking “the hard stuff” as early as seven in the morning more than a few times over the past two years – and had developed cirrhosis of the liver. Well, I have the sad duty to report that he died on Thursday night while in hospice care at a facility in Tampa.

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While I am saddened by the news, I can’t say I was surprised when the Caregiver told me he had passed away. I knew that he was not likely to get a new liver, and I did not think that the Caregiver’s overly optimistic estimates that her boyfriend would come home soon would become a reality.

And speaking from the perspective of a man who was a caregiver to an ailing parent for five years, my ex-girlfriend has no idea just how big a task she would have had if her boyfriend had somehow been able to return home, even if it was just for a few months or even years.

Not only would she have had to devote a lot of her time to caring for the man – changing soiled adult diapers, making sure he was turned in bed every half hour or so to avoid pressure ulcers, feeding him, etc. – but she would also have had to accept the presence of certified nursing assistants to help with her boyfriend’s care. She is not the most trusting of souls, you see, so she must think it over about 1,000 times before calling someone to change a lock, or fix a stopped-up drain, or repair a balky air conditioning unit.

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I’m sure she would have poured her heart and soul into her boyfriend’s care, but she was worried about having a home health aide in the house during her office hours. She fretted about our miniature schnauzer, Sandy, barking at the HHA while she worked from her remote office in the master bedroom, and, of course, she worried about things “going missing” whilst the HHA was in the house, mostly unsupervised.

I’m sad that the man died. Considering that he was the guy who replaced me as my ex-girlfriend’s beau, I think I kept my jealousy and resentment over being dumped on a tight leash. I wasn’t thrilled with the situation, mind you, and I avoided going to outings with them because – obviously – I felt like a fifth wheel the few times that I went out with the happy couple. But I honestly grew to like the guy and treated him with kindness and respect most of the time.

I, of course, can’t go to his funeral, which will be held in Miami on Monday. I am not feeling well, and anyway I hate funerals even though I have attended two so far. I would have said three, but since I did not attend my mom’s cremation ceremony in July of 2015 to avoid seeing my half-sister, I can only say I’ve really attended two complete funerals and two-thirds of my mom’s. (I went to the open-casket viewing at the funeral home on the Monday after she died, and the funeral Mass at Our Lady of the Divine Providence Catholic Church near my former home on the Wednesday after.)

I feel a bit better today even though I still have a mild but nagging headache and a runny nose. I slept till around nine in the morning – I only woke up once thanks to a coughing fit, but I took some Nyquil for that. Not only did the coughing stop, but I slept till late in the morning.

That having been said, I think I’ll take it easy for the rest of the day. Even though I slept better than I anticipated, I am still tired and not exactly at my best.

And with that, Dear Reader, I’ll take my leave of you. Until next time, stay safe, stay healthy, and I’ll catch you on the sunny side of things.

Published by Alex Diaz-Granados

Alex Diaz-Granados (1963- ) began writing movie reviews as a staff writer and Entertainment Editor for his high school newspaper in the early 1980s and was the Diversions editor for Miami-Dade Community College, South Campus' student newspaper for one semester. Using his experiences in those publications, Alex has been raving and ranting about the movies online since 2003 at various web sites, including Amazon, Ciao and Epinions. In addition to writing reviews, Alex has written or co-written three films ("A Simple Ad," "Clown 345," and "Ronnie and the Pursuit of the Elusive Bliss") for actor-director Juan Carlos Hernandez. You can find his reviews and essays on his blogs, A Certain Point of View and A Certain Point of View, Too.

7 thoughts on “Musings & Thoughts for Saturday, July 9, 2022, or: Sad Tidings

  1. I liked your story because I like reading your blogs. However, I’m sorry to hear the boyfriend died. My sincere condolences to you and your caregiver.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I had a feeling that my caregiver’s boyfriend was not going to live a long, happy life as long ago as when I met him in 2020. He drank too much, for one thing; I’d sometimes see him rummaging in the kitchen, looking for vodka or whatever else there was at hand, as early as seven in the morning. He only stopped drinking a few months ago, and only then because he was diagnosed with cirrhosis. He and The Caregiver were hoping he’d be approved for a liver transplant, but his history with alcoholism made him a poor candidate for one.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are right of course.
        There is a possibility that the reason she enabled him was because she actually knew he didn’t have long to live and didn’t want to make him miserable by denying him his addiction.
        That could also be the reason she tried to give him hope that he might get his liver transplant while hoping he would kick it on his own before or after his operation after all what good is a new liver if he continues to drink and destroys it the same way. Addiction itself is a self defeating disease and the only cure is for the victim to change.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. It’s less complicated than that.

        The Caregiver likes to drink. She wanted someone in her life who not only liked to drink, but also was not “judgmental” about her drinking habits.

        I don’t mind drinking casually, but I’m also not the type of person who drinks excessively or likes to try a variety of drinks. Plus booze sometimes has a rare but mortifying effect on her behavior: she’s usually a bubbly, happy person, but every so often, she becomes a mean drunk. I didn’t like that when we were a couple, so I withdrew into myself a lot and she sought out the now-deceased boyfriend.

        He had stopped drinking late last year, mainly because he was sick a lot. What he did not stop doing was smoking cigarettes.

        Plus, The Caregiver is book smart for her profession but downright naive about many matters. She genuinely pinned her hopes on that transplant.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry he passed, but it was unlikely that he would get an organ transplant if he wasn’t going to change his habits. That’s one of the things they look for. Chin up, dear friend.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think his medical history, his age, and the usefulness of a liver on the guy weighed heavily against him. And the Caregiver was, whether she admits it or not, an enabler. If she had been serious about helping the boyfriend out, she could have at least tried to stop drinking herself and keep the alcohol locked away where he could not get at it.

      Liked by 2 people

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