Well, I managed to get through the seventh anniversary of my mother’s death without falling into a deep funk. I am not sure how, but I did.
I won’t pretend that I am “over” the loss of my mom – and by extension, my old life in Miami – or that the pain of that loss fades with the passage of time. The notion that “time heals all wounds” is a crock; in my experience – and it’s a highly subjective and personal one – grief ebbs and flows like the tide.
Sometimes grief fades to a dull, barely noticeable ache, like the one you’d feel when a hematoma is healing and the once dark purple bruise on your arm or leg has faded to a light shade of green. And that’s how it is most of the time. It’s not a sharp pain that makes you wince or even cry; it’s just the dullish aftershock of the original stabbing pain you felt when you lose a loved one.
But sometimes, other, similar events – such as the recent death of my caregiver’s boyfriend – will serve as a trigger for the return of intense grief. Obviously, the end of my relationship with The Caregiver, compounded by both the COVID-19 pandemic and the bitter political divide in the U.S in 2020, sent me into a cycle of depression and self-doubt that spilled over into various areas of my life, both personal and professional.
I eventually came to terms with the breakup when I realized that my ex-girlfriend and I aren’t all that compatible and that we both were not thrilled with each other in an intimate relationship, and that she was happier with the now late boyfriend, a guy she had had more history with than with me because they had been friends since they were kids.
Anyway, yesterday I had a few moments in which I did not feel like talking to anyone in the house and just wanted to be in my room and not do much of anything beyond gaming for a while and not think about serious stuff once I posted yesterday’s post, 2557 Days Redux.
Speaking of gaming, yesterday I threw caution to the wind and bought my first adults-only video game, Being a DIK. I am not usually into sexually themed computer games; my favorite games are usually about wars and the military, with Star Wars and Sid Meier’s Civilization games not that far behind as far as affinity goes.
Still, I am a human being, and I still have a healthy sex drive, although now that I’m not in a relationship I haven’t had sex in over two years. I could probably watch porn or read erotica, but most “adult films” strike me as overly simplistic (read: boring) and lack a certain je ne sais quoi quality of tone and believability. Like most men, I love visual representations of sex, especially where women are involved, but I also like stories with real human emotions that I can relate to – and 99% of the porn I have seen lacks the latter quality.
I don’t know why Being a DIK appealed to me; I passed it up several times when I adjusted my content filters on Steam to include adult content because I disliked the title. But when I read the game description and looked at some of the screengrabs from Being a DIK, I decided to go ahead and get the game; if I did not like it, I could return it for a full refund.
In case you’re wondering what Being a DIK is all about, here’s how it is described on Steam:
Being a DIK is a choice-driven adult Visual Novel focusing on the fun parts of college life. The game is packed with humor, sex, romance, drama and a rich story. Play as a young male attending college at B&R and guide him through the experience.
I am not going to delve too much into Being a DIK on my blog because this is not an adults-only publication. I will say that as weird as it sounds, the developers not only did a fine job with the visuals, but the story is well-written and though certainly not 100% believable, there’s more of a human story than in your average porn flick.
Aside from that, The Caregiver and her middle son returned to Lithia last night. Yesterday the late boyfriend was buried in a Miami cemetery in the early afternoon hours, and after eating dinner at Sergio’s (a well-known Cuban restaurant in Miami-Dade County), they did the four-hour drive in the evening because The Caregiver’s personal time leave was over, and she must work today from her remote office in the master bedroom.
So, there you have it, Dear Reader. I survived another tough anniversary and bought an X-rated video game. Weird juxtaposition there, I suppose, but life is full of weirdness as it is
That’s all the news I have for you today. Until next time, stay safe, stay healthy, and I’ll catch you on the sunny side of things.