“Cold feet under a warm blanket, steam over an empty mug–rain splatters on dry windowpane–open journals of closed memories… tears of laughter and joy of pain… schmaltz of diametric morning.” ― Val Uchendu
It’s a dark, cold, dismally rainy Sunday afternoon here in the Tampa Bay area, and with Pops in Love: John Williams & the Boston Pops Orchestra – a 1987 album that I bought on CD in the 1990s and repurchased not long ago in digital-only via Amazon Music – I am writing this, the 363rd post for 2022 and 1,092nd overall in A Certain Point of View, Too in my dimly-lit bedroom/mancave/writing room.
I don’t have to; I’ve already kept to my self-imposed quota of at least one post per day (per WordPress, I’m on an 864-day streak on the blog), so I could – and maybe should – be doing something else.
“Between Ennui and Ecstasy unwinds our whole experience of time.” ― Emil Cioran, All Gall Is Divided: Aphorisms
The thing is, though, I don’t feel much like doing anything else, and what I do want to do involves either being outside and getting fresh air and sunshine or being with someone else who is not my latest ex-girlfriend.
I don’t necessarily want to fall in love again or move out of this house willy-nilly; someday I’ll have to do the latter (but not in haste!), but as for the former, I’d be content in an arrangement similar to the one I had in my penultimate relationship, i.e. “friends with benefits.” That way, I can have intimacy with a woman who is simpatico with me and not have the complications of living with an incompatible, often mercurial partner who loves booze more than she loves me.
There’s not much that I can do about my love/sex life presently, which I know is the primary reason why I now own Acting Lessons, Being a DIK, and FreshWomen – Season 1 as well as the Emmanuelle trilogy (which I still have not watched) – so I’m not going to spend a lot of time thinking about dating. Besides, the way my last relationship ended has reduced my self-esteem considerably, and my experience tells me that women do not like men who feel sorry for themselves or have low confidence.
I also can’t, like a modern-day King Canute, order the rain to stop falling by my command. And even if I put on some cold weather gear that could stand some rain as well, I don’t want to catch a cold right before Thanksgiving. I’m not the world’s best patient as it is, but even though I am not excited about the upcoming holiday, I don’t want to ruin it for the people who do enjoy the annual family dinner here.
I’ve said this many times before – and forgive me, Dear Reader, if it’s a familiar complaint – that if the owner of the house knew anything about designing a room for readability (namely, the lighting vis a vis the most comfortable seating), I would gladly take a book from my TBR stack and read for a while. But even though I could go to the living room and read on the sofa, the light levels there suck.
“That’s what I do. Watch movies and read. Sometimes I even pretend to write, but I’m not fooling anyone. Oh, and I go to the mailbox.”― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love
As for movies, I could watch something out on the family room set since no one is using it, and I may do just that as soon as I take a shower, wash my hair, and put on fresh clothes – or at least a fresh shirt, since I’m obviously not going to venture out in the cold and rain. The trick, of course, is deciding which movie to watch, which often is a hit-or-miss affair for me and I end up gaming instead just to avoid being frustrated.
If I do watch a movie, though, it can’t be any of the following titles:
- Summer of ‘42
- A Little Romance
- Unfaithful (not because it deals with infidelity, but because Diane Lane is in it)
- Maid in Sweden
The last two titles are, of course, softcore sex movies, so if I want to watch them, it must be in here and not out there.
I could probably stand to watch Casablanca even though, it, too, involves romance and Impossible love, but its tone and setting make it somewhat more tolerable for me.
Of course, I do have my computer games to fall back on if I don’t end up watching anything at all. I should at least try to watch something, especially if I can use the TV with the home theater sound system.
Cripes, it’s so cold, gray, and gloomy here though!