Hello, again, Dear Reader. It’s now late afternoon – I’m starting this, my 200th post on WordPress, shortly after 4 PM Eastern time – here in my little corner of Florida. It’s been a quiet, I would almost say tranquil, Friday, and it looks like the rest of the weekend will be more of the same.
Right now, the weather is nice enough for a stroll outside; it’s 83˚F (28˚C) under partly sunny skies. With humidity levels at 59% and the wind blowing from the north-northeast at 9 MPH/15 KPH, the heat index is a bearable 84˚F (29˚C). I have the key to the front door in my pants pocket, so all I have to do once I submit this post is put on a pair of comfortable shoes and just…go.
Other than writing for A Certain Point of View, Too, I haven’t really done much on this first Friday in October 2020. I had a small breakfast before noon, took a shower, changed into clean clothes, and ate a banana as a late afternoon snack. I haven’t read anything except online news, played Cold Waters – my current favorite computer game – or watched TV. I have the time, the means, and opportunity to do all of that, but I don’t have the desire.
I think I’m experiencing something called soul exhaustion. The past 10 years have been like a huge roller coaster, full of emotional highs and lows, and more twists and turns than you’ll find in any suspense thriller by Alfred Hitchcock or Brian De Palma. Or a novel by Stephen King.
What is “soul exhaustion,” you ask?
Well, according to a Medical News writer who goes by the name Simi, here’s how the term is defined in the article 30 Signs of Soul Exhaustion:
Are you in a funk and feeling like you can’t get out of it? Perhaps you’re going through a traumatic event. Your heart and mind are preoccupied with what’s going on in your life. Suddenly, your body starts reacting to the situation. Your body and mind are interconnected. So, when your mind is stressed, your body will begin to show the symptoms. When the physical symptoms begin to manifest, the first thing you’ll want to do is treat them. The symptoms will go away for a short time with some treatment, but they’ll soon return. Why? Well, treating the symptoms won’t erase the cause. Your emotional struggles are not resolved by treating physical side effects.
The expectation of getting better physically is unrealistic when the root cause of the problem is not addressed. Stepping beyond the physical issues and treating the problem is the only way to help. Your soul is tired. A worn-out soul is impossible to heal with medication. It takes confronting the underlying issues directly and dealing with them comprehensively to allow the soul to revive and recover.
I’m not going to list the symptoms I am experiencing; that would take far too long and would eat away at the last bit of daylight before I go for a walk. I will say that I am extremely prone to weeping – albeit quietly – and feeling a deep, deep sense of loss and sadness. I even want to move from where I am living now, but I do not have the financial resources to do so. I think I have enough capital to buy an inexpensive property that would not require massive renovations, but beyond that…nothing.
The only sources of solace for me in what I now call my Fortress of Solitude are my books, my movies, my music, my small collection of computer games, my writing projects, my Star Wars collectibles, my memories of my mother and other loved ones, and a handful of friends I have made over the years as an Internet review-writer and blogger. I draw some comfort from all those sources.
I also need to start focusing on the novel I have to start writing soon for NaNoWriMo, which I decided to try to do last year, after NaNoWriMo 2019. I’ve always said that I want to write a novel, and I have started a few manuscripts, but I always abandon them well before I reach the middle of a first chapter. I fare better with screenplays, but only if I am part of a filmmaking team; on my own, I tend to lose focus and self-confidence in my writing abilities.
I do have a concept for the NaNoWriMo novel for this year, but I need to kick myself in the butt and go – at the very least – from mere concept to at least a first rough of a manuscript. I just wish I had someone here at “home” who would cheer me on and give me some emotional support.
Well, that’s all I have to say for this, my 200th WordPress post. I need to make myself a bit presentable and go out for a brief walk before I lose heart and change my mind. So, until next time, Dear Reader, stay safe, stay healthy, and I’ll catch you on the sunny side of things.