Musings & Thoughts for Monday, January 30, 2023, or: Insomnia Strikes Again, the Clock Ticks as My 60th Birthday Comes Nigh, and Other Concerns

Hi, there, Dear Reader.  It’s late morning here in Lithia on Monday, January 30, 2023, and as far as I can tell, it’s a nice – if a bit humid – Florida winter day. (Of course, by the time I publish this, it will be early afternoon; I’m a mostly accurate typist, but not a fast one.)

Insomnia Strikes Again

Today’s post will be, by both circumstance and necessity, short and a bit scattershot. I did not sleep well last night (something that is not new either to you or me); I was still up and about at 2 AM, and even though I did, eventually, fall asleep, I still woke up close to my usual early morning time of between 6:30 and 7:30 AM.

Naturally, I am tired, a bit cranky, and don’t feel like writing anything that will take me hours to produce. I’m going to be 60 in 34 days, so of course I can’t stay up till 2 or 3 AM the way I used when I was in college (not that I did that frequently then) and get by on just four or five hours of sleep while attending classes at what was then Miami-Dade Community College – South Campus.

Oh, I’d be tired when I woke up in the morning; don’t think for a minute that I was alert and eager to go to my bus stop at the corner of West Flagler Street and 97^th Avenue. But when I was in my early to mid-twenties, I had more energy and enthusiasm about life (even though I was so shy, especially around women, that I had no sex life then), so once I had a good breakfast, took a shower, and got dressed to go out, I bounced back easily and functioned well, both in my various classes and when I was in the office of the campus student paper.

Now? Not only do seemingly trivial matters annoy me so much that I stew over them – consciously and unconsciously – longer than I should, but I also literally lose sleep over slights, intentional and unintentional. Plus, I worry a great deal about my future – both in the near-term and long-term – and miss my old stomping grounds in South Florida far more than I ever imagined.

So, yeah. I’m tired, and I don’t feel that hot today.

WTF is Wrong with Conservatives?

From my Facebook page:

 The more interactions I have with conservatives on social media, the stronger my conviction that their brains are wired differently becomes.

Today’s issue:

American right-wingers get bent out of shape when they hear/read that the First Lady, Jill Biden, has a doctorate in education and is referred to as Dr. Jill Biden.

This morning, I ran across this tweet by former Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly:

“Announcers for this Eagles-49ers game just spotted the First Lady in a box and of course call her ‘Dr. Jill Biden.’ Wonder if she realizes what a wannabe she looks like insisting on this fake title. Get a real MD or just work on your self-esteem.”

Here’s my reply to Ms. Kelly:

“Hey, Megyn, Dr. Burchell, my high school principal, who had a doctorate degree in education, and several of the assistant principals[1], would like to have a word with you regarding your silly comment about ‘fake titles.’

“Your comment is a reflection of conservative ignorance.”

I have zero patience for conservatism in America as it exists in 2023. Sure, the anti-intellectual streak in our culture has always been here, but the Internet and social media just gave all those anti-science, anti-“elitist” crazies a bigger, louder megaphone to magnify their message and spread their insanity with greater ease.

If you are a conservative, and if this post of mine makes you angry and offends you, too fucking bad. Just unfriend me, then. Because if you feel that the First Lady can’t be called “Dr. Jill Biden” because she’s not a medical doctor, you are either petty and narrow minded, or you’re dumb as a rock.

About My 60^th

As I mentioned earlier, because February is a short month, my 60^th birthday is 34 days away (maybe less, if we go by how many hours have gone by today at the time I write/publish this).

I have conflicted feelings about the occasion. On the one hand, I am happy that I am not, you know, dead. My life might not be as good as it was, say, four years ago, and I wish things were 1000 times better than they are. But I’m still in no hurry to join my parents and other relatives who are no longer alive. I still think I have something to offer the world, be it another screenplay, a novel (which I still want to try once my life is stable…elsewhere), or this silly blog that few people read.

On the other hand, this will be the first of the “landmark” birthdays (you know, like the first, fifth, 10^th, 15^th, 20^th, 25^th, 30^th, 35^th, 40^th, 45^th, and 50^th) that I’ll, um, celebrate without either my mother or even my half-sister present.

Mom, of course, died almost eight years ago. Vicky, my older half-sibling from our mother’s first marriage, and I don’t speak to each other. We had a stormy relationship throughout much of my life, especially since 1987. And her plan to get a hold of Mom’s house (she wanted 50-50 ownership), only to then sell it and have me placed in an assisted living facility is what prompted (a) Mom to change her will in 2010 and (b) the tragic but necessary estrangement we are now in.

I don’t like my half-sister much, but there are times – especially as of late – when I wish she wasn’t the way she is and that we could have co-existed as a family after Mom’s passing. I’m not a mental health professional and can’t say what Vicky’s mental health issues are for sure. I can say, though, that her behavior often resembles that of Donald Trump, only on a smaller, hyperlocal scale.

So, since the two people who used to be an important part of my landmark birthdays are gone (one in death, another necessarily on the No Contact list), I don’t feel like my 60^th is worth making a big deal over. If I had a girlfriend, of course, I’d feel different. I don’t, though, so…I’m not exactly looking forward to March 5.

Well, as I said earlier, I’m tired from sleep deprivation and stressing over things both significant and insignificant. I’m also not in the best of moods, so I’ll close this post so I can take a quick shower, change into clean clothes that aren’t pajamas, and maybe even go for a walk…or just read a book or watch TV for a while.

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[1] I should have phrased that a bit better. I meant to write, “Hey, Megyn, Dr. Burchell, my high school principal, who had a doctorate degree in education, and several of the assistant principals, who also had doctorates in education…” but Twitter has a limit on how many characters you can use in a tweet, plus, you know, I’m tired….