Musings & Thoughts for Wednesday, November 29, 2023, or: Baby, It’s Cold Outside…for Florida, That Is

Late Morning, Wednesday, November 29, 2023, Lithia, Florida

Hi, folks.

Well, it’s another chilly-for-Florida late autumn day in the Tampa Bay area. It’s a nicer day than yesterday; the temperature outside is 58°F/15°C under sunny skies. In fact, I’m reminded that I experienced weather like this in Miami, Bogota, and Sevilla (Seville), the three places where I’ve lived for long periods of time. Not so much in Miami, of course; my hometown is a bit further to the south than Lithia. But it does experience its share of cold snaps, as I recall vividly in Remembering Cheryl T – 50 Years Later, Part the Third, and other reminiscences of my Miami years.

Anyway, it’s chilly outside, and the forecast for the rest of the day calls for sunny skies and a high of 67°F/20°C. And who knows? Now that I’m no longer under self-imposed pressure to finish the Reunion: Coda manuscript by mid-December, I might just go out for a walk to “my” park bench and sit there for a spell.

Meanwhile, up in Madison, New Hampshire, the temperature is 29°F/-2°C under partly sunny conditions. I can’t say I’ve never experienced weather that cold before; I have, but only for brief periods, and only because I went out of town (to Denver in February of 2000 and New York City – twice – when I was in college back in the late 1980s). What I have not done, but must now face as steadfast as I can, is live in a part of the country where winters are normally cold and snowy. For all I know, this is a nice day by New Hampshire standards. (But…in my head, there’s a voice that’s saying, “Jesus H. Christ in a sidecar, what have you gotten yourself into now, Alex?”)

In any event, the forecast for my future place of residence calls for mostly sunny skies and a high of 32°F/0°C. (I can just imagine my poor mother shaking her head in disbelief at me; I, after all, take after her and am not fond of cold weather. Yet…in 13 days’ time I’ll be saying goodbye to my native state and moving to what I jokingly call the Ice Planet Hoth.)

Thoughts and Musings…Not Many of Them, Though

As you can imagine, the closer we get to M-Day (December 12), the more nervous I get. I can’t help it; for me, change is, at best, unsettling, especially when it runs counter to my need for stability and predictability.  

Granted, I tend to get nervous any time I go on a trip anywhere, especially if it’s a long trip to a place I have never been to. I fretted endlessly during the months before my Denver trip to hook up with a woman I met online (Yes, for that. And it went well, thank you very much!); I still remember watching the Weather Channel and hoping that the winter weather in Colorado wouldn’t turn nasty during the four-day window of my trip there.

More recently, I felt anxious and regretful that I was leaving Miami and moving here to the Tampa Bay area in 2016. I was, of course, happy to get away from my toxic half-sister and that I was not going to be alone here, but I also worried about losing my network of friends and neighbors, plus I did not want to be totally dependent on the kindness of the folks here. For all the limitations of my disability and financial situation, I was more self-reliant in Miami than I am here, as the ongoing saga of my phone and other things (like going to the movies…or rather, not going to the movies) shows. I did move here voluntarily, just as I’m leaving here voluntarily. But that doesn’t mean there weren’t moments when I had second or third thoughts about the decision.

Today I am trying to squelch any feelings of fear or doubt about the move to Madison. It’s a bit of a big ask for my brain, though. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and self-confidence issues, and my departure from Lithia is bringing out those personality traits almost as acutely as when I had to drop out of college – reluctantly – because I knew I couldn’t pass my math requirements for graduation. I didn’t want to end my studies, but I had already flunked remedial mathematics already, and I had anxiety attacks whenever I had to consider what courses to add to my class schedule once I’d taken all of my other journalism-related courses at Miami-Dade Community College.

As for what I’m going to do today…I have no idea, other than that I want to go for a walk while it’s still sunny and relatively warm. Yesterday I dawdled too long before going out, and by the time I stepped outside the front door it was already twilight and the temperature was chilly. (Not Madison-level chilly, I know, but I’m a Floridian!)

I might also do some editing on the Reunion: Coda manuscript. I don’t think I can write “new material” when my mind is on the move to New Hampshire – and the reasons for the move – cos, you know, I can’t focus well when I’m worried about my future. But I can read my own stuff with some objectivity and fix mistakes when I see them, so…..

I might also play a computer game if I feel up to it. I tried that yesterday and didn’t get too far into a skirmish in Regiments, but…you know…hope springs eternal and all that…..