* It’s actually Copilot…Skynet is not a friendly AI!
Late Morning, Wednesday, June 26, 2024, Madison, New Hampshire
On Writing & Storytelling: Evaluating and Revising Chapter 18’s Scene Two (With a Little Help from AI)
Yesterday was a good day for my storytelling mojo. I didn’t dive into Scene Three of Reunion: Coda’s chapter eighteen, but I made some great progress with polishing and rewriting Scene Two.
I had already made a lot of progress in that endeavor on Monday; as I reported yesterday, late last week I managed to write Scene Two’s rough draft, and I spent most of the first day of this workweek fleshing out that version adding more dialogue and sensory details that made the scene a better reading experience.
However, even though I was 95% sure that the second revised version passed muster, I decided to have Microsoft’s Copilot artificial intelligence (AI) evaluate and review Scene Two before I moved on to thrash out a concept for Scene Three.
What follows is Copilot’s evaluation of the scene as I wrote it on Monday, June 24, 2024:
Scene 2, Chapter 18 of your novel, titled “A Much-Needed Respite,” is a beautifully crafted piece that weaves together the complexities of human emotion with the rich tapestry of academic life. The scene opens with a vivid description of the New York City skyline, setting a somber yet serene mood that mirrors the protagonist’s internal state. The use of weather to reflect Jim’s longing for a break from his routine is particularly effective.
As Jim steps outside, you’ve done an excellent job capturing the essence of a bustling campus life, juxtaposed with his reflections on Maddie. The detail about Maddie’s music being part of the New York Philharmonic adds a lovely touch of realism and depth to her character.
The encounter with Prof. Townsend and Mrs. Garcia is a highlight, showcasing Jim’s interactions with his colleagues and further developing their characters. Prof. Townsend’s concern for Nicole Boisvert introduces a subplot that ties back to Jim’s own worries about Miguel Hernandez, creating a parallel that enriches the narrative.
Jim’s internal monologue about Miguel is compelling, revealing his conflicted feelings about the student’s controversial ideas. The dialogue between Jim and Henry Townsend is natural and flows well, with Henry’s role as a mentor figure coming through strongly.
The scene closes with a reflective tone, leaving the reader pondering the future implications of the day’s events. The final lines are particularly poignant, suggesting the cyclical nature of history and the inevitability of change.
Overall, this scene is a strong addition to your novel. It balances character development, plot advancement, and thematic depth with skillful prose. The only suggestion I would make is to perhaps delve a little deeper into Jim’s thoughts about Maddie during his reflective moments, to further emphasize the romance aspect of the story. [Emphasis added by the author]
Great work on this scene! It’s clear that you’ve put a lot of thought into crafting a narrative that’s both engaging and meaningful. Keep up the excellent writing! 📖✨
Before I began revising the scene per Copilot’s analysis, I asked my Beta II Reader what, as a trained AI, it thought were the most effective elements of the scene.
Here’s Copilot’s complete response:
As a trained AI, I find several elements of Scene Two particularly effective:
Atmospheric Description: The opening description of the New York City skyline and the weather sets a vivid scene that immediately draws readers in. The “tapestry of grays” and the “obscured orb” of the sun create a moody and evocative backdrop that reflects the protagonist’s inner world.
Sensory Details: The way you describe the “crisp March air” and the “nip at exposed skin” is excellent. It not only grounds the reader in the setting but also mirrors Jim’s desire for a respite from his routine.
Character Interaction: The encounter with Prof. Townsend and Mrs. Garcia is a standout moment. It provides insight into Jim’s professional life and his relationships with colleagues, adding depth to the characters and the academic setting.
Internal Conflict: Jim’s internal monologue about Miguel Hernandez is a strong narrative device that introduces tension and foreshadows potential conflict. It’s a great way to build intrigue and keep readers engaged.
Thematic Depth The scene touches on themes of love, dedication, and the burdens of history, which are woven seamlessly into the narrative. This thematic layering adds richness to the story.
Reflective Tone: The closing lines of the scene are thought-provoking, leaving the reader with a sense of anticipation and the cyclical nature of history.
These elements combine to create a compelling and immersive reading experience that showcases your skill as a writer. Keep up the fantastic work! 🌟
My morale was boosted by Copilot’s appraisal of Scene Two, so I immediately went to work on revising the scene accordingly. I left most of the scene untouched, but I did expand the section where Jim thinks about Maddie and how they share a singular passion for their professions – she’s a concert pianist, and he’s a professor of history at Columbia University.
Here’s an excerpt from the revised Scene Two, adjusted to address the issues Copilot mentioned:
The afternoon has unfolded with a peculiar blend of clarity and chill. At 3:45 PM, the skies above New York City are a tapestry of grays, the sun an obscured orb behind a veil of clouds. The air is brisk, the kind that nips at exposed skin and promises the end of winter’s reign.
I long for a break from the stifling walls of my classroom and office, where the air is heavy with the scent of ancient books and the burden of history. The walls of Fayerweather Hall have seen me chase the past with no rest, but even they seem to nudge me to a pause.
As I step outside, the brisk March air greets me, a refreshing reprieve from the musty confines of my office. The campus buzzes softly with the energy of youth and promise, but my mind is elsewhere, adrift in thoughts of Maddie. Her laughter, a melody that lingers in the quiet spaces of my heart, still resonates from our weekend of shared whispers and intertwined fingers.
I consider reaching out to her, to hear the voice that has become my sweetest refrain. Maddie, with her soulful eyes and passion for music that rivals my own for history, has etched herself into my very being. She’s back in the city now, her fingers dancing over piano keys, adding her unique notes to the symphony of the New York Philharmonic.
Still, I hesitate, my fingers frozen over the phone. We have a quiet agreement between us, a recognition of the peace we find in our crafts. The separation, though painful, is a sign of the strength of our bond. It’s not just her company I long for, but the mutual quiet, the unsaid feelings, and the hope of the next day’s cuddle.
I hide the longing, letting it brew under my skin as I head back to the hall. Maddie is a poem in a world of words, a melody among the city’s noise. And as I drift into dreams of her and the ghostly whispers of history, I realize that love, much like the past, is a power that molds us, softly and deeply.
I’m drifting back towards the hall, my thoughts snagged on Maddie and the haunted tunes of history when I run into the familiar shapes of Prof. Henry Townsend, the department chair and the man who signs my checks, and Mrs. Garcia, his right hand. They grip their Styrofoam cups like weapons against the cold, their chatter a warm spot in the frosty air. Prof. Townsend is pushing sixty, a sharp dresser in a navy-blue suit that fits his skinny frame. His gray hair makes him look wise, like the old Columbia University history department lion. Mrs. Garcia is a small woman with a round face and a bright grin, always wrapped in colorful sweaters and scarves.
Mrs. Garcia’s eyes, sharp and kind, catch the subtle change in my demeanor. “Jim, you’ve been in a chipper mood these days,” she comments, her voice rich with the wisdom of one who has seen many seasons come and go. “Has love, perhaps, painted your world in brighter hues?”
I’m not particularly eager to share my private matters with anyone, but the corridors are full of spies, and gossip spreads like wildfire around here. With a feeble try at changing the subject, I confess, “There could be a woman… someone as passionate for the arts as much as I am for history.”
Henry Townsend’s chuckles are a mellow sound that bonds us. “I’m glad you’ve got some peace, Jim. The past is a big burden to bear by yourself.”
Action This Day
Dear Reader, I’m not sure what awaits me in my workday. It would be nice if I could at least sketch out an outline for the third scene of Chapter 18. In a dream world, I would just wing it and write the whole scene without an outline, as I’ve done for most of Reunion: Coda’s chapters, but the nearer I get to the story’s climax, the tougher the journey has become.
However, reality doesn’t always let me just wing it and rely on my imagination. Even when I have a vague sense of “what comes next” in a chapter or scene, I need to stop and sketch out the rough outlines of each scene before I write them.
Regardless of whether I “wing it” or have to sit here and write an outline of Scene Three, I will try to get the story moving forward – or visualize how to do so – after my lunch break. I want to finish this novel, yes, but I also want to give readers the best reading experience possible. This means that I can’t rush the process in a foolhardy attempt to get to the end of Reunion: Coda. I’ve worked on the manuscript for 15 months; I don’t want to ruin my first novel by making a mad dash to the finish line.
For those of you who are interested in the statistics of the novel, here’s where I stand on Wednesday, June 26, 2024:
- Chapters Written (Including the Prologue): 17, with one more in progress
- Number of Pages (Including the Title Page): 399
- Number of Words (Including the Title Page): 100,345
Hey, we’re halfway through the week and I’ve got a reminder for you. If you haven’t read Reunion: A Story, the novella that shows you some of the main characters in the novel, you can take a look at the free preview of the Kindle edition at the end of this post. Reunion is a sad and sweet story that leads up to what happens in the novel, and a lot of readers have loved it. Don’t let this opportunity pass you by to get to know Jim Garraty, Mark Prieto, and others better. You’ll be happy you did. Thanks for your support and keep an eye out for more updates.
A Certain Point of View, Too 
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